This was an absolute crap work week. Absolute crap. You know what happens when I have a crap work week? I eat. A lot. And badly. Today I had chocolate AND a pizza. Yes, a whole pizza. At least it was small and thin crust and yes, I dabbed off the grease. But it was still a pizza.

I had a discussion with my boss today about how long I would have to stay in that job before she’d help me move on. It’s truly very stressful, and I can’t figure out how to make it less so. I’m on call pretty much 24/7 and I’m at a level where I can influence decisions, but I don’t actually control anything. In short, I’m pretty impotent. But I’m still expected to be THERE all the time.

Our discussion went something like this:

K: I’d like to go into this developmental program, but I think it might have been cancelled through a budget cut.

Boss: Why don’t you take this very expensive training program instead? Of course, there’d be a commitment to stay in this department for a while as a result.

K: I don’t think so. How about you help me figure out how to get out of communications?

Boss: You need to stay here. You just got here. (I’ve been there five months, so what she’s saying is technically true.)

K: 18-24 months. That’s how long I’m staying. That’s 13 months from now. It can take 13 months to find something new, so why don’t you help me figure out how to get out of communications?

Boss: How about next fall (2010) I open up my 30 year network of contacts to you?

K: How about next spring?

Boss: I sense an ongoing discussion. Let’s schedule a special meeting, maybe for next month.

K: How about in two weeks?

Boss: How about July?

K: Next month is good for me.

It’s like having a conversation with myself. I have to figure out how to outsmart myself in order to win this one. Heck, forget even winning. I just want to stay ahead of this argument so that I can reduce my stress level a little. Which, in turn, will reduce my overeating a little.

On the whole, I’m okay with this. I’m not sleeping too much. I’m not not sleeping. I’m pretty happy overall. I’m in charge, by and large. I need a little more control over the eating, or maybe just a little more willpower. And maybe I need to … I dunno. Think about ways to reduce my stress.

I start playing ultimate frisbee next week. I’ve always liked that game, even if I’m not very good at it. I’m actually not all that good at any sports, but I try with a lot of enthusiasm. It’ll be better next year when I have a car. Then I won’t feel compelled to go out after the games, which leads to eating, which leads to fried foods right before bed.

We’ll see how it goes. Cross your fingers and offer lots of support. You can’t do this alone.

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