Last night, I had the most intense and realistic dream about Fitness Ridge (now called The Biggest Loser Resort at Fitness Ridge, which is hellaciously hard to type). I had a dream that I was walking up the stop sign hill, which, lets face it, is not the world’s most exciting hike. In fact, it’s hard and it’s competitive and I can only imagine that with 70 or so guests hiking it, it’s stressful.

But there I was, dreaming of walking up that hill. Head down, feet moving, heart pounding, moving up the hill. Then my dream switched to West Canyon, the trail I hiked for almost two weeks while in a lot of knee and ankle pain. I dreamed about walking around a corner in the trail (after 2 mile house, but before the end) where the sun suddenly disappears into the end of the canyon and things start to get about as green as they can in that neck of the desert.

Then I was on a treadmill, doing a treading class. Except this time, instead of walking, I was running. And I didn’t look like me, at least not the me I look like today. I looked… you know what? I looked fantastic. Strong, athletic, running relatively easily. I looked like an athlete. I’ve never actually had that image of myself before.

Many of my FR friends are going back for a reunion this June, like we did last easter. I’m not going this year because I’m saving my money for a wicked hiking/road trip this fall. But I’m going to miss my peeps. I’m going to miss their support. They’re losing weight and working out at home, and they’ll be kicking it old school when they get to Utah. I don’t know how they’ll like the new program, but I know they’ll like the new food (based on Jim’s reviews).

I wish I was going back. I’d go on the offroad hikes this time instead of focusing on the stop sign. I’d go to the park on the lecture hours and play frisbee or shoot some hoops. I’d embrace my inner athlete, instead of my outer fat person. I would be… something I really missed out on last year when all I cared about was losing weight and not being fitter, stronger, faster.

This post is for my friends going back this year. May you just be for two weeks. I’ll be thinking of you.