You know what? Massaging your high groin pull in public really doesn’t look so good. It kind of looks like you’ve got crotch rot and are trying to rub it out. Or that you’re a dude who really likes a little public stimulation. In short, it’s not so hot.

I have a groin pull. I totally know what it’s from. I knew it as soon as I crawled into bed yesterday for my late morning nap (which, by the way, was sublime). It’s from a rightward lunge I did in squash. I was heading one way, the ball went the other way, and I executed a somewhat heroic, intensely vigorous, evidently overextended lunge to the right. I made the shot, which I so obviously was not going to get that my partner didn’t even move to return the ball.

I tried to stretch it out while in bed. It didn’t work. I thought about slapping some ice on it, but didn’t. I went to my parents’ house for dinner last night and caught myself massaging out the knot (yes, you can feel a hard lump, like a knot of tissue). This led to some quick explanations and a lot of “oh god, did I just do that when I was in public for the past two hours?”

So, today I had a workout with Trainer Ana. It was an exercise in balancing two activities: torching calories, and stretching out the groin pull. That means a lot of stuff that results in a lateral (side to side) lunge-like position, along with a fair number of running and jumping activities.

What did we do? Well, we started with v-steps up onto two bosu balls. That’s right, you start with your feet together on the ground, then step your left foot up onto the ball, then your right, then you bring your your left foot down, then the right. It’s unstable and it’s quite wide set, so you’re in a bit of a squat position. We went from there to the agility ladder, which is a very long rope ladder that you lay out on the ground. You run different drills, like jumping from the outside of hte ladder to the inside, then up to the outside, then inside, then repeat; or, pretend it’s the tire drill in football and you run it, bringing your feet one at a time from the outside to the inside and around. We did that about 10 times.

After that, Ana decided we should play “fetch”. I gave her the stink eye on that one, but she really meant it. She stood on a bench and threw balls that I had to run over, pick up, and bring back. Think about that for a second; yes, there would be a lot of lateral lunging involved in a sprint, stop, bend down, change direction, sprint combo. I want you to know, this exercise kind of sucked. Not that it was boring, but damn, it’s hard. After this one, Ana put a fan belt around my middle (okay, it wasn’t actually a fan belt, but it was a hard rubber ring thingy that looked like a skinny fan belt) and made me run down the length of the building while dragging her behind me. The only good news here is that it was a killer workout for Ana, as she had to lean backwards and run at the same time, because I’m very strong and can actually run while dragging her body weight.

We did all that a few times before my heart felt like it was going to explode, then we spent about 15 minutes stretching and foam rolling my legs. No joke, I have some sore legs. But, theoretically, I’m getting fitter and stronger, and that’s what it’s all about, right?