you know Trainer Ana has worked you but good. Yes, kids, I’m having a hard time lifting my arms up high enough to blow dry my hair effectively. This is what happens when I tell Ana she’s in charge of our workout. Good sweet lord.

What did we do? Lots of jumping. Apparently it’s too easy for me to do straight up jumping, so now I have to do the fancy kind. There’s one foot jumping, lateral jumping (looks like you’re skiing down a tight slalom course), back and forth jumping (a lot harder than you’d think because I kept jumping forward onto the stupid rope), and my nemesis: the cross over. The cross over requires you to cross your left hand over your right hand as the rope comes over your body and then uncrossing them as it goes behind you.

I would like here to interject the fact that, for the first time in recorded history, I wore shorts to work out. Oh, I wear shorts for squash, but not normally to lift weights. Why? Bruises, people. I bruise really easily and I’m clumsy as all get out. Anyway, I already had a bunch of bruises on my left shin so I figured “hey, who cares?” and busted out the shorts.

You know what happens when you repeatedly hit yourself in the same spot with a speed rope? Welts. Lots and lots of welts on skin unprotected by sweatpants. Damn, people. You know how you repeatedly hit yourself in the same spot with the rope? Freaking out when you need to cross and uncross your arms. It’s a good thing I have a lot of hair, cause I hit myself in the back of the head a few times, too. My left leg does not look pretty today. S’all I’m saying.

Anyway, after the jumping we did assisted chinups (fun! not so much!), then a new type of torture. You know I’ve been working on the wobble board to strengthen my ankles, right? Well, last night I did squats on the board while holding a five pound ball between my thighs. There’s a catholic good girl joke in there somewhere, I just know it. I’m not so good when the wobble is from left to right, and Ana made me laugh once and I almost dropped the ball, and MAN it was tough. But whatev.

We did this routine four times, then we moved to the sweaty-no-neck-dude area of the gym (free weights). I guess I forgot to tell Ana that I used to have an olympic weight set in my house. We were there to do bench/chest presses, and she started me with just the olympic bar. I was pretty happy, until I realized she meant for us to do more than one set, and she adds on 10 pounds at a time. My last set I only made it to 8 reps, but it was at 60 pounds. This, kids, this is the reason why I can’t lift up my arms today.

We wrapped it up with 5 minutes of painful core (reverse crunches where you lift your feet and butt off the ground and bring your knees to your chest), and weighted mini-crunches (cause who doesn’t love doing a crunch with a 12 pound medicine ball on their chest?).

I was a sweaty beast, and I felt like it worked, whatever it was. I worked, at least. Ana worked me, that’s for damn sure.

Good workout, lots of pain. Advil is my friend!