You know, it’s Monday. I got up this morning and said “yeah, it’s monday” and thought about calling in sick. But I had a career discussion scheduled and I hate to miss those because it’s hard to get into my office for a meaningful chat (I can only do one every two weeks or so), so I went in to the office.

About three minutes before I had to leave for the bus, I realized that I had not fixed my hair. I bolted upstairs, blowdried, sprinted for the bus. Crankypants was driving. Got to work, they were out of diet coke at the cheap place. Sat down at my computer to get some work done, noticed that my career coachee cancelled her appointment. Opened up a spreadsheet to work on something and it’s protected. And there’s no password to unprotect it, and I can’t get into the thing without it. I get a reminder that my team hasn’t completed a task that was due on Friday, and I try to open the spreadsheet to do the work, and it’s locked for editing by the person who sent me the reminder.

F-it, I say. I go to the bathroom because what else can you do when it’s -10 C and you need a break? Somebody removed the light fixtures from the ladies washroom. Not just on my floor, but for the next two floors. I had to take an elevator to pee, people. On my way back down the stairs I trip over my wide legged pantleg and almost faceplant down the next three stairs to the landing.

I ask for help on the first spreadsheet and get an incomprehensible answer. I’m pretty sure we’re talking about two different spreadsheets. I try to explain to the person that because I’m an executive I’m functionally stupid when it comes to these things sometimes, and explain my position on the spreadsheet again. Turns out we are indeed talking about two different things. Finally get into the second spreadsheet and realize that in fact none of the people who work for me did their part (to be fair – I was sposed to do some, too, but was unexpectedly out of the office all day Friday). Do their work for them, silently fuming.

After lunch, my boss tells me that I have a physical reaction to criticism received in corporate committees and that tomorrow, when I visit one, I should try to keep that in check and not respond to anything that is raised. While this is indeed fair criticism, it was the final straw for me today. I got a little overly emotional and told my boss I was going to go home early.

Any one of these things would have been manageable. In combination, I still would have normally been able to cope. Today, I was tired. Bone tired. Not sleepy, just tired. Tired of working on the same problem for 12 consecutive months and not getting anywhere. Tired of second guessing myself. Just tired.

I’m taking Friday off, and in two weeks I’ll be off for a couple of weeks. I really really need that vacation. I need to get my head back on straight. I need to care about the right things again. I had a nap this afternoon and went to yoga tonight, but it didn’t do too much to re-centre me. I’m gonna put my game face on tomorrow and tough it out. I’m going to benignly smile at whatever those committee people throw at me, and will not respond. I will attempt to care about only that which is truly important, and not that which I cannot control.

Advertisements