It’s been a long long long time coming, but I’ve finally decided to get laser eye surgery to correct my vision. I went to get a consult and I’m booked for December 1st, in just over three weeks. I’m going the fairly old school route – they’re going to give me lots of drugs to make me loopy (which I really really need, cause hello? knife to the eye?), then they’re gonna put a device in my eyes to keep them open (yes, like Clockwork Orange), then they’re gonna numb my eyes and make a tiny cut to the surface and then I’m going to look at a laser and boom. I’ll be able to see perfectly.

It takes about 90 seconds per eye – about 10 seconds to make the perfect cut, and 15 seconds to look at the laser, and then the rest is what happens before and after. This, kids, is why I’m going the knife route. It’s about a minute quicker than a laser cut. Seriously. That minute means a lot to me.

Here’s what i learned from the doc: I’m not farsighted. I may at one point in my life have been farsighted, but I actually can’t see far away or up close anymore and it’s because I have astigmatism. They can clear it up through the surgery, though I may need a second one in the next couple of years because I have pretty severe astigmatism (second surgery is free) and that’s prone to regression. Also, I’ll be able to see properly by the time I leave the facility. Pretty awesome, isn’t it?

Why now? Because, I need to stop delaying and deferring things in my life. It’s time. I should have done this ten years ago (though 10 years ago they didn’t do astigmatism laser surgery, so maybe five years ago). Apparently, I won’t need glasses until my eyes naturally deteriorate in 10-15 years. No glasses! None! I’ve been wearing glasses since I was 5 years old! The concept!

You know what I’m not going to miss about wearing glasses? Here’s a list:

  1. Fog. My glasses fogged up going into the gym this weekend. Oh man, I hate foggy glasses. And it’s coming up to winter, and that means lots of fog.
  2. Cleaning my glasses. Seriously? Most redundant exercise ever. They’re dirty almost as soon as you put the cloth away.
  3. Sliding down glasses. I have a sweaty face, and my glasses slide down all the time, which leads to me pushing them up, which leads to me needing to clean my glasses. See above.
  4. Sunglasses. I miss wearing full protection wraparounds. They can’t make wraparounds (or, for that matter, squash eye protection), with curved lenses. Instead, they attach a regular lens to the inside, which is so not cool. I’m doing a month long hike next year – I need real, full protection sunnies.
  5. Buying glasses. The pressure! You want to get the perfect pair that offset your personality and yet still make all your outfits look cool. You want them to complement you. And yet, you’re stuck with them for two years. The pressure! The expense!

You know what, though? I’m kind of scared. I’ve worn glasses full time for 18 years, half my life, and most of the time for well over 20 years. I don’t really know who I am without glasses. They’re convenient – people notice your glasses, not necessarily you. Especially my last 8 years of glasses, which have been pretty darned awesome.

Without glasses, I’ll actually have to, god forbid, wear makeup. And I’m going to have to do something to take care of the rosacea on my face, which totally blew up while I was away. So, I’m going to visit a dermaspa and get that lasered, after I get my eyes done. I’ve got great eyes, yanno. I’m going to be able to show them off.And yet, I’m kind of scared. There’s a big part of my self identity wrapped up in how I see myself when I look in the mirror, and that self wears glasses.

Did I mention how much I hate cleaning my glasses? Totally the major reason I’m doing this, along with the sunglasses. And the fact that it’ll be another 10-15 years before I need to push up another pair of glasses again.

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