I would say it’s not a secret that I shop significantly twice a year. By significantly, I mean I buy about $1000 worth of clothes at various price points. Some of those clothes are ones that I have for years and years and years; others I wear a couple of times and wonder what the heck I was thinking in the change room (this usually happens when someone else tries to convince me that I look good in something I’m sure I don’t, but I buy it anyway in the vain hope that I can be cool).

Infrequently during the year, I’ll buy one or two items of clothing. Plus a pair of shoes and underwear, because we all know those people whose underwear is falling apart and whose boobs are hanging down way too far because they didn’t spend the time or money to make their undergarments fit right.

I don’t know about you, but I have learned not to care so much about the number on the tag and to give more of a crap about how it fits and feels and how the clothing makes me feel. Right? Right. So when I went to get new bras this year, the size had changed (down, because it never goes the right way!). But whatever – my boobs look great in my new bras and I’m pretty happy with them.

You know what I’m not so happy about? Necklines. Seriously, clothing designers. Not all women are built with enormous breasts. And if you have a low-ish neckline on a shirt built for someone with big breasts and that person has smaller breasts you know what happens? Lots and lots of inadvertent bra exposure (side note: totally another reason to refresh your undies every year or so).

I flashed a lot of people today. I flashed the guy sitting next to me on the bus; a colleague I was having a meeting with; the poor young kid who sold me new sneakers at lunch (that dude got a serious eyeful). I’m about to flash my boss, which might actually be the highlight of my day.

Yes, the modern bra, especially one you’d wear with a knit (ie scoop or v-neck) top is thicker than a girdle and just as concealing, but still. Yes, I could wear a tank top underneath, but do you really want to do that in the heat of summer?

I want to know this: If designers can make pants that are ostensibly for different body shapes, why can’t they make tops that way? Small chested, barrel shaped, all boobs all the time, had five kids and breastfed each one til they were six, and so on? Maybe tops wouldn’t be so disposable then, but they’d be well structured, fitted items that made you look as awesome as possible.

Seriously. Clothing designers. Work with me!! Please?

Advertisements